Yup. I'm done with the Internets for good. Just too much BS. I can't go anywhere or say anything without some asshole who 'knows exactly how I am' trying to pick a fight with me for stating an opinion. Apparently, I'm not allowed to speak, because everyone is too god damn butthurt and sensitive to be able to wrap their head around the idea that GASPU! SOMEONE HAS A DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW?!

Psssssh. Whatever. If you're smart and care enough you'll be able to find me 8] Maybe. *shrugs*

FFFFFF Wow. I never update this journal |D (Mainly since because of Leo exile I highly doubt anyone gives a rats ass about me or my life) BUT


O. M. G. *SPAZZFLAIL*

I WON A PAIR OF THE CORALINE DUNKS!!! <DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD


sldkgjlksdjgd. These bad boys sell for between 200 and 400 dollars on the internet (lower than the 1000 that they were when I originally entered the contest, but w/e) and they're pretty sweet. Check 'em out:

[link]

[link]


I'm so. fucking. excited. YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW.

sdklfjsdlkfjsdkjsdgjsd,gksd. SQUEEEE. <DDDD


I don't know whether to keep or sell DB They're kinda neat, and it would be awesome to actually own something that isn't sold in stores (like this necklace I just bought...I bought it from a store, yuh, but its hand-crafted and one of a kind, so it counts |D;; ) But. 200 bucks is a pretty sweet deal Especially when I didn't pay diddly squat for them. (well...technically I paid like 12 bucks for my movie ticket, and the secret code to get the shoes was at the end |D and I also had to answer a question about the movie so dkfjsd xD; )

Last journal = too long.

Stretched my front page way too much >___O;

I'm not even going to state my opinion on this. You can make your own. This is just so people who want to know how it went down talking to Laska know, since apparently everyone is getting a different story from everywhere. You want more background on this hit me up through DA notes and I'll give you my side of the story.


[[ This is the entire chat, in full, SANS one final line where Laska asked if she could repost the chat on the Admin Boards.]]



[Kale] says:
So, Laska, do you have time to talk right now?
Panda says:
yep
[Kale] says:
Alright, cool :3
[Kale] says:
So, I wanted to know if we could get this issue resolved, because a couple different people told me a couple different things o__o;
Panda says:
alright
Panda says:
well
Panda says:
let me read that mail you sent me
[Kale] says:
Alright
Panda says:
I'm still a little confused about this deletion situation – according
to the chat logs you sent Zaro it was an accident? I understand that
if you thought I was quitting you ran the script to delete my account,
though I wish you would have asked me directly before running it,
since I was still unsure about what I was going to do. But I still
understand, and I don't hold it against you.
Panda says:
Here's what I know..

Me and two other admins saw the board where you said you were quitting. Upon seeing your first post saying you were quitting, we banned/deleted you. Bannings need to happen before a user is deleted because otherwise the remain logged in.. with a kind of ghost login which is weird because there's all these errors and the header doesnt load.
Panda says:
I was told afterwards, that later on in the thread you changed your mind.. I couldn't really go back and check, because once a user is deleted, all their threads are deleted with them.
[Kale] says:
Yeah, I understand. I figured that happened. And, like I said, I kinda can't blame you for doing that because I /did/ say I was quitting, and I should have thought twice before saying it. Heat of the moment thing.
[Kale] says:
Now I'm just wondering if there's any way I can get my account back? Even without a back up, I guess I can always just resave/remake my pets.
Panda says:
Well recently mudkip died, so all backups have vanished. Vate hasn't had the chance yet to try and restore him.. but it doesn't look too good
Panda says:
Mudkip is vate's 500GB external HDD
[Kale] says:
Ooh, geez >__< I'm so sorry that happened.
Panda says:
backups have resumed on Marshtomp (the 1TB), but the only backup there was yesterday after the server came back from downtime
[Kale] says:
I know I would die if my 500G hard drive crashed D|;
Panda says:
it was mostly movies, psp games, wii games, ds games, tv shows, and leo backups
Panda says:
so nothing tooo much really lost
Panda says:
nothing like leopets code or anything
[Kale] says:
Yeah, but that still sucks majorly to have it crash. I'm glad it wasn't anything major =/
[Kale] says:
Well, backup aside since there's nothing that can be done about the situation, would you be willing to let me, like, resign up or something to get a new account?
Panda says:
usually after a person is deleted, they are welcome to reapply next time applications are being accepted
[Kale] says:
When are app being accepted again? I thought on Neopound you said it wasn't going to be for a long time/ever/whenever you could get a dedicated server
Panda says:
Originally it was going to be mid-january.. but now it doesnt look likely because of we're using 80% of our server resources
Panda says:
when we're only allocated 25% :S
[Kale] says:
Ooooh. I see o___o
[Kale] says:
Does that have to do with why the account was suspended yesterday?
Panda says:
yeah
Panda says:
that was the reason
Panda says:
damn shitty time for them to do it considering I was still half drunk, had the hang over from hell, and was supposed to be on leopet holidays
[Kale] says:
Yeah, I heard Sorry about that.
[Kale] says:
It was terrible timing D|
Panda says:
i had to remove post counts from the boards to save on server CPU
[Kale] says:
Oh, so that's why those are gone
[Kale] says:
*saw when Castley signed in*
Panda says:
We realllly need a dedicated.. so i'm thinking of making as many pages as possible show ads, like changing fookau to fookune and making it a rakune instead
[Kale] says:
If it makes any different to when you'll be able to get the dedicated server, I can donate some money
[Kale] says:
I think that would be a good idea
[Kale] says:
I mean, since, if you don't switch to a dedicated you'll still have problems not concerning new member addition
Panda says:
i'm going through and trying to optimise every little thing i can, and i'm going to recode post counts from dynamic to static as well as change it so threads are deleted after 1-2 weeks of not being posted on
Panda says:
[link] <-- basically that.
[Kale] says:
Aaah. I see. The post deletion thing is a really good idea
[Kale] says:
not only will it help solve the CPU usage issue, it'll just make things a lot neater
Panda says:
yeah
Panda says:
As for you reapplying.. i'll be totally blunt with you (since i know you love me being blunt).
Panda says:
Chances are, depending on what admin reviews your app, you probably won't get back in
Panda says:
I could elaborate further if you wish
[Kale] says:
Please do
Panda says:
well you know you cause a lot of conflict
Panda says:
It's bothered me, and a lot of users, with your reactions to a lot of things
Panda says:
such as when snake became a chat admin
Panda says:
I was sent copies of things you had said in regards to that
Panda says:
Yes, he was a new user.. but that doesn't make it unfair that he became an admin in chat. He has had previous IRC experience, plus he was vouched for by somebody that i trust very much.
[Kale] says:
Hmm. I didn't think I said anything rude in regards to that, but if I did I'm sorry. o__o I was more or less genuinely confused. I didn't know that he had previous IRC experience, or that he was reccomended. Had I know that I wouldn't have said anything
Panda says:
it's not just that
[Kale] says:
And if people had a problem with the way I reacted to thing I would have rathered them tell me
Panda says:
it's lots of things
Panda says:
and gloated about how you 'Kick Ass, not Kiss Ass'
Panda says:
I saw that and was disgusted? What the hell? OH YES.. LETS KICK THE ASS OF LASKA
[Kale] says:
I wasn't trying to gloat, I was making a statement that was, more or less, a joke
Panda says:
who gets up on new years morning feeling like shit and vomiting everywhere to fix leopets
Panda says:
that shit just makes me sick
[Kale] says:
and I wasn't trying to imply I wanted to kick your ass
Panda says:
I didn't ban you for that either
Panda says:
and apparantly some people told me you were saying i banned you for personal reasons
[Kale] says:
...who said that?
[Kale] says:
I never said that O___o
Panda says:
general people in chat
Panda says:
I'm ranting now..
Panda says:
*sigh*
[Kale] says:
I said that I didn't know why I was banned, because the ban message was vague
[Kale] says:
No, I'd rather you'd tell me this
Panda says:
Your whole attitude on the leoboards
Panda says:
I found very disrespectful
[Kale] says:
I would rather clear the air than let this get clogged up
Panda says:
I did not find it to be polite
Panda says:
saying somebody looks like an ass is not polite
Panda says:
here is a leomail tina sent me
Panda says:
"EG. Ovaries = Female.
Instead of..
Although from a psycholoical perspective, Thomas Beatie may see herself as a man, and wish to be regarded as one from a social and legal perspective, biologically speaking they are a female due to the presence of ovaries."

I know they generally mean the same thing, but I agree with mycenae in the sense that I think the second one is more worth the effort. ;3; S
Panda says:
Sorry. If the first one means the same thing as the second one to you, that's not how other people (at least how I) see it.
Like I think you know how I tend to write super huge long posts about stuff whenever it's a big issue being discussed. It's cause even though longer takes more time, it gets ALL your thoughts and meanings out there so people know exactly what you're saying. People can misunde
Panda says:
misunderstand stuff a LOT on the internet if it's short, so that's why whenever I post stuff like that I type a lot. 'Cause you might say something that isn't meant as mean, but from the other side it may look kind of mean when it's really just blunt-ness.

And I would'a posted this on your R&R, but I dunno if you minded if I did, 'cause I didn't want it to look like the admins were starting a cou
Panda says:
the rest of the mail is unimportant
Panda says:
that leomail is respectful, but got tina's views over with politeness and all that
Panda says:
even though your intent may not have been to be disrespectful or rude
[Kale] says:
Laska, I wasn't trying to call you an ass, and I'm sorry if it came across that way
Panda says:
other leopians might see your attitude, take on that same attitude, and then i'll get to the point where i'll say fuck you all and just shut leo down
Panda says:
your attitude in your leomails certainly sounds like that
Panda says:
I dont have a problem with users disagreeing with me and that
Panda says:
but the way you do it is awful
Panda says:
I admit I have been blunt in the past, and I did apologise to the general leopian population for it, and told them i'd try and wrap my posts in a little bit more cottonwool
Panda says:
but who the fuck are you to tell me to be nicer when you piss off so many leopians yourself?
Panda says:
it was hypocritical and that pissed me right off.
[Kale] says:
I don't intend to piss people off, and like I said, I'd rather people tell me that I'm making them angry with the things I do. I'm not out to intentionally step on people's toes and snub them out
Panda says:
you can see why i find that a little bit hard to believe considering your leomails were flagged
Panda says:
so i did read the conversation between you and mockup
[Kale] says:
yes, I know I'm a hypocrite, and its something I need to work on, but I don't always notice it. I'm pretty oblivious and, like most people, say stupid things when I'm upset
[Kale] says:
That I generally regret later.
Panda says:
and another thing.. why are people that appreciate the work i do kiss asses?
[Kale] says:
No, it's not people who appreciate the work you do that are kiss asses. I appreciate and respect your for your ability to code and what you're willing to put up with
Panda says:
if it wasn't for those that visibly appreciate the work i spend on leopets, i wouldn't be there.
[Kale] says:
and the fact you're willing to talk to me to straighten this out
[Kale] says:
I'm talking about people who agree with you publicly, but privately don't agree
[Kale] says:
who are only agreeing/saying things for the sake of saying them and don't really mean it
Panda says:
yeah those people piss me off too
[Kale] says:
Those are the people I'm talking about, not anyone who says "Good job Laska! " or "We love our Panda!"
[Kale] says:
and genuinely means it
Panda says:
ahhh okay
[Kale] says:
Anyways, I'm sorry that they way I acted pissed you off, you have right to be mad
Panda says:
Was it you that said I love drama?
Panda says:
im not sure if it was you or the recent dickheads that were banned
Panda says:
anyway
Panda says:
tell me
Panda says:
why did you not leomail that to me instead?
[Kale] says:
if I were in your shoes I'd be pissed off too People who are like me are the worst people out there to deal with, because I have to much pride and don't know when to shut the fuck up
[Kale] says:
No, I never said i love drama o__o I think that was the gxm kids
Panda says:
gxm?
[Kale] says:
Uh Mimic and all them
Panda says:
ohh
Panda says:
Mimic and her band of fucking retards
Panda says:
THATS ANOTHER THING THAT PISSES ME OFF
Panda says:
Glittapop
Panda says:
who has the intelligence of a pile of horse shit
[Kale] says:
Who, let me say, I have no affiliation with and don't want to be pinned with their idiotc group
Panda says:
said it was unfair they were banned and they were banned for personal offsite reasons
[Kale] says:
Everyone. In that place.
[Kale] says:
Is a fucking retard.
Panda says:
Did you see the crap they were saying?
[Kale] says:
I might not agree with you Laska
[Kale] says:
Some of it, yes
[Kale] says:
I have access to their main oekaki
[Kale] says:
but I would never childishly throw about death threats
Panda says:
Those are the two faced dickheads I can't stand to have on leopets
Panda says:
Anybody that threatens vate = banned forever.
[Kale] says:
understandable
Panda says:
But even without that shit about vate
Panda says:
that whole crap about kai
Panda says:
if you read it
[Kale] says:
Yes, I saw it
Panda says:
and plotting to be bitches
[Kale] says:
and I was pissed off
[Kale] says:
Kai is my friend
Panda says:
get back to neopets you fucking dickheads
[Kale] says:
she might be a krawk hopper, and she might be an air head (I mean that in the most endearing way)
[Kale] says:
but there is no way that she deserves that
Panda says:
she worked for her krawks though
[Kale] says:
I don't know if they were talking about the ones on Leo or Neo so
[Kale] says:
I know she's been applying for a ton of krawks on Neo and jumping between them, so that MIGHT be what they were talking about
[Kale] says:
OR the fact that she has a lot of krawks on Leo. So what? she did work for all of them I don't see why they'd need to hate her for it
[Kale] says:
Anyways, backing up, which part was it that you were asking about me mailing to you?
Panda says:
jealous bitches
Panda says:
how do you mean?
Panda says:
oh
Panda says:
when i said why didnt you leomail me?
[Kale] says:
Yeah, what were you reffering to?
Panda says:
your posts where you said you didnt like my tone on the leoboards
Panda says:
first of all, posting it on the thread where i said im losing motivation for leopets..
Panda says:
i dont even know how you thought that was a good idea
[Kale] says:
Oooh. I see.
[Kale] says:
Was a bad idea
Panda says:
Without me, there's no leopets.. so of course users have to be nice to me
Panda says:
i dont get paid to put up with bullshit
Panda says:
if I ever did make leopets a for-profit site.. then yeah, my approach to a lot of things would change drastically
[Kale] says:
I know. And I don't know how many times I can apologize for that. I really wasn't trying to put you down >___<; I just know that
[Kale] says:
a lot of people had talked to me about why they were having problems with you (privately) and I thought since you were ranting about that I would let you know what I had heard from people
[Kale] says:
about why they were upset about certain situations. I'm sorry that my tactless nature made you feel even worse >__<;
Panda says:
'hypocrites are rarely heard'
Panda says:
the fuckwits i was complaining about are gone
Panda says:
but srsly
Panda says:
why do you even want back on leopets?
Panda says:
you said you were thinking of quitting
Panda says:
you constantly say it's going down hill
Panda says:
(i still don't understand how leopets is going down hill when it's popularity is every increasing)
[Kale] says:
Socially it is. I don't get a long with most of the people there so for me (and what I've heard from other people) its going downhill for a lot of us. It seems like lately everyone who has a different opinion is getting jumped on and attacked, which makes it really hard to have a different opinion on Leo.
[Kale] says:
But, anyways
Panda says:
More users = more users that will disagree with you
Panda says:
but why not make a guild with people you agree with?
Panda says:
eh
Panda says:
that's one of my reasonings of wanting 'houses'
Panda says:
so i can put all the liberals together.. christians together.. dickheads togehter.. etc.
Panda says:
not quite that simple
Panda says:
but kind of like that
[Kale] says:
The few people who cared and went out of their way to make me feel better and tell me they appreciate me for what everyone else seems to hate, and let me know I'm not worthless and hated by everyone were the people who made my change my mind. And the people who told me that, despite my own views, that my characters were wonderful and inspiring and envy worthy. There's still a small sector of the
[Kale] says:
community I like and would still enjoy talking to. It's also nice to have somewhere to rant about stupid things that bother me where someone will actually reply and share their experience with you, or give you a virtual hug and make you feel a little better.
And my characters. I was more upset that I lost the only real....'hysical' manifestation of them that there is (besides my art) than anythin
[Kale] says:
g else. If I didn't have my characters as a crutch I'd be a thousand times more miserable than I am right now.

Sure, a lot of people and a lot of things on Leo piss me off, like a lot of things on Neo do, but I just want my little knook of space to create and express myself back. I was feeling highly threatened on Leo lately, which is why I wanted to quit. I didn't feel safe there, to be honest,
[Kale] says:
because I felt like i was getting attacked a lot by people who I didn't even know/never really talked to. So...bleh. I'm sure my reasoning doesn't even make sense/I'm babbling but that's all I can think to say
Panda says:
ah okay
[Kale] says:
and -- when you explain the houses thing that way it makes more sense. I don't really want to break up the community, I kind of just wish we were more...together and less bitchy with each other. I won't lie, I'm obviously part of the bitchy problem, but I feel as if we could all get our problems with each other out in the open in one big gush fest things would be better
[Kale] says:
I know that if I had known so many people were mad at me for what I was doing I would have taken a step back and thought about what I was doing, and would have reacted differently to what was going on

I just wanted to listen to some music to help me get to sleep. Why did you have to choose now, of all times, to die on me? I don't understand - you were working /fine/ twenty minutes ago. Now you've been frozen for 10 + minutes.

Why the fuck does every terrible thing happen to me? What the hell have I done to deserve this?

God damn it, I'm so fucking miserable. The closing of this year has been a complete emotional disaster, I feel like I should just give up. Nothing has been going my way at all; any time there's even a speck of light or a high moment, some asshole or another thinks its funny to knock me down or blow out the light.

Well you know what? Fucking fine. You win. I quit.
I'm done even bothering to try with shit, since I'll never get what I want/be where I want to be in life. It's useless and pointless to keep on trying and keep on hurting myself over and over again.

All I want to do is sleep.

Unfortunately, even that's been taken away from me now. I have such a bad case of insomnia.

Jesus christ, if nothing else, can't you just let me fucking /sleep/ ?!





















It really sucks that my only two journal entries are pathetic emo rants.